Although listening might sound like an easy and natural thing to do, we often find ourselves uncertain about how to support someone in a challenging moment. The art of being a good listener involves creating a safe space, understanding when to offer advice, and appreciating the power of silence.
In this article, UQ Bachelor of Psychological Science (Honours) graduate Camila Franco explores how you can be a good listener. She’s got 9 tips to help you improve listening skills and provide empathetic support to your friends.
By implementing these simple practices, we can create an empathetic environment that empowers individuals to reflect on their emotions and take action.
How to be a better listener
1. Prepare yourself
An essential part of being a good listener is being ready to listen.
Before starting a conversation, make sure you’re in a positive state of mind and prepared. Consider if this is the right moment for you to offer support for your loved one.
You can quickly improve your listening skills by following these 3 steps before any serious chat:
- Check your emotions.
- Clear up your mind of any personal concerns.
- Ensure you have time to listen without cutting the conversation short.
2. Ask open-ended questions
Encourage your friend to share their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions. Avoid simple "yes" or "no" questions and opt for enquiries that invite reflection, such as "How have things been at work lately?". This allows them to express themselves freely.
3. Give them time
Sometimes, finding the right words takes time. Resist the urge to complete their sentences if they struggle to articulate their thoughts.
Instead of interrupting, use body language to show your presence:
- Lean in.
- Make eye contact.
- Convey your attentiveness through facial expressions.
4. Listen with empathy
A good listener will demonstrate understanding by paraphrasing and acknowledging the emotions of the other person. For example:
"You felt blindsided by the job loss, and the sense of rejection is overwhelming."
Reflecting their feelings back to them validates their emotions and encourages further expression.
5. Avoid judgement
Refrain from passing judgment or criticism. Understand that responses to stress vary due to individual experiences, personality, culture, and other factors.
As a compassionate listener, your role is to provide comfort and support without imposing your beliefs.
6. Empower them
Resist the urge to provide your own list of solutions. Instead, empower your friend to identify the help they need.
Encourage them to reflect on past coping strategies and offer to brainstorm options together, respecting their autonomy.
7. Respect their silence
Sometimes, people may not be ready to talk. Acknowledge their silence by saying something like:
"I noticed you've been quieter than usual. How are you feeling?"
If they don't open up, offer to spend time together or let them know you're available whenever they're ready.
8. Follow up
Show continued support by checking in a few days after the conversation. This demonstrates your care and availability for future discussions.
9. Recharge your energies
Being a good listener – hearing others' problems and pain – can be draining. Be aware of your own emotions and engage in self-care activities like mindfulness exercises, outdoor time, or physical activities to rejuvenate.
Final thoughts
We all aim to be good friends and support our loved ones during difficult times. While offering solutions may come from a place of care, becoming a compassionate listener can be more effective. By implementing these simple practices, we can create an empathetic environment that empowers individuals to reflect on their emotions and take action.
Author: Camila Franco
Camila is a Bachelor of Psychological Science (Honours) graduate and an educator. She is also a mental health crisis support volunteer. During her free time, she nourishes her soul by connecting with nature.
